Researcher's Block

So. This morning at work, my thesis advisor comes in and asks me when I would like to come in for our first thesis consultation of the year. All I can think of is, wow...I really have wasted 2 months by NOT researching like I promised myself I would. I'm going to be so behind all year. Supposedly I am to turn in or show her a basic outline for the thesis, demonstrating the full depth of the research I've done. Of course, when we met at years end, I was to avail myself of our wonderful library system and basically research the hell out of my two chosen writers: Baudelaire and Swinburne.

How much work have I gotten accomplished on this subject?

You guessed it. Not a thing.

My fellow students comfort me with their similar tales of procrastination, trepidation, and apathy for thesis research. While it does show me that I'm not alone, it makes me wonder at my own lack of impetus. I'm paying out the wazoo to go here so that I have the chance to write and *gasp* research! I SHOULD be enjoying this, shouldn't I? I certainly love reading...perhaps its just the overwhelming prospect of all the reading that I must complete. Its a very daunting project and at this moment, I'm still grasping at the straws of my topic...just enough out of reach.

I know that I can write a stunning thesis. I know this. So why can't I get started? Why have I suddenly frozen in fear of all the work I have to do when I should be rejoicing in the possibilities? Perhaps its the idea that with the completion of the thesis comes the end of this level of my schooling? Is it because I know how quickly time passes when you need to get things done? Or could it be more insidious than that?

I could be stalling because deep in my hearts of hearts, I worry that everything of any worth has already been analyzed and dissected, picked apart to the extent that all emotional value and original meaning has been lost forever? Our library has something like 100,000 books on every topic known to man. What can I contribute to this field and do I have the intellectual capacity to dig as deep into my subject as I need to?

And once I complete it, what then? Do I go on for five more years to become a professor or do I go onto high school or private school with what I have?

A quote from Bill and Ted Excellent Adventures is appropriate for me today: (quoting from the phone book listing for 'Socrates'): " 'All we know, is that we know nothing.' ...Dude, thats us!"

Either way, I think my nights will have to be filled with French and English poetry from now on...and well, thats not so bad, is it?

Hail and Farewell, Old Friend: James Doohan 1920-2005

On July 20, 2005, darkness fell in the hearts of Trekkies everywhere.

Our beloved Scotty had beamed up for the final voyage to the undiscovered country.

I cant recall the day I became a "Trekkie"; the phenomena of Star Trek entered my life with such a force at such a young age, I can't even remember a day when I *wasn't* a lover of all things Trek. My mom showed me a few episodes of the original series and I fell in love at first sight: from that moment on, my heart was no longer mine. It belonged to a fantasy man, the half-human, half-Vulcan Mr. Spock. Novels, new series, nothing was safe from my newfound appetite. I grew to love each and every character as an old friend, tried and true in friendship and in battle. The original crew were my superheroes. One in particular was a superhero to that particular crew.

Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott. The ONLY man who could "hold 'er together". He saved as many lives as Kirk did, averaging about 435 an episode by preventing the Enterprise from blowing apart, saving everyone JUST in the nick of time. Hell, he probably *invented* the nick of time. A true miracle worker he was, apparently on and off screen.

Like many of my friends, I did not know that he was a D-Day hero, being the first one of his boat onto Juno Beach, a bullet missing his heart by inches and losing the middle finger of his right hand in the process. He also kept a fan from committing suicide by calling her personally and talking her out of it. His legend increases in stature with every new story that surfaces of his kindness and courage.

Sadly, I never got to meet him, but like every fan, he remains as entrenched in my heart as the rest of the cast. He became more than an entertainer, he became an icon, an inspirational emblem to everyone who wanted to be an engineer and save the world. He was even given an honorary *PHD* in Engineering, which to me was the most moving thing of all. He lived and died a real engineer, honored and loved.

I miss you, Scotty. Ave atque Vale.

For another tribute, visit: http://tuxxer.blogspot.com/2005/07/james-doohan-1920-2005.html

Yeah, I've obviously been busy here at work...

You scored as Leonardo. You need to relax and realize that life should be fun as well as orderly. Your organization and willingness to be perfect will help you along the way, but sometimes you can be very annoying to others. Which teenage mutant ninja turtle are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Yeah, Leo is the shiznat. 86%, baby.