4. The point of telling you all that is to illustrate how hard it was for me to cobble together some semblance of a post-collegiate life in spite of how effortless my endeavors may or may not appear to outside observers. It was really scary. I screwed up a lot. I took advantage of people and situations that I feel really guilty about now. It took a long-ass time. It frustrated me that it took longer than I thought it should've. I make it look easy and I get to act happy(ish) now because I did a certificate program in the school of hard knocks while you were getting your masters. Few people lead enough of a charmed life to coast through this transition period. You kinda just have to hold your nose and jump in. And then you have to just grit your teeth and hope against hope that that things'll get better. I think the fact that some joker like me can persevere is proof positive that most of my peers can do as well if not better. I have a feeling having a masters can only help. You'll just be starting a couple years behind those of us who decided to run headfirst into the brick wall known as the REAL WORLD right after undergrad. So you have to make sure to avoid making unfair comparisons.
5. As for feeling rushed, I think everybody feels rushed at every stage. If people aren't bugging you to find a partner, they're bugging you to marry him/her. If it's not marriage, it's children. If it's not kids, it's job, house, education, or whatever. Grownups will always find reasons to give us shit. Peers too, for that matter. Everybody's on my and Sharon's case to get married. (Grownups and peers alike.) We're in no hurry. People don't get that. We're apparently freakish because we've been engaged for five years. It's really annoying. With our lifestyle, we're still not sure how being married's going to play into things. We know we're going to be life partners but that just doesn't seem good enough for most people. RARR!! We don't want to have kids any time soon and since I've started teaching, I'm no longer sure if I want them at all. Stuff changes. Constantly. You need to be willing to blow everyone else off and pursue the path of most happiness for you. Nobody else lives your life. Live it so YOU benefit the most. Don't give in to peer pressure. Follow your heart. But don't expect it to get easier. It just gets different. Usually weirder and more complex. But that's no reason to give up. It seems that, even though it doesn't get any easier, all this crap becomes more rewarding.
6. When you start to get down on yourself, don't hesitate to contact me, or any of the old crew to commisserate or to butter you up with compliments. We care about you, we believe in you, and I bet more than a few of us (still) think you're teh uber hotness. We all need our egos stoked sometimes.
7. Sharon and I may not be single or living at home, but that doesn't make us any less confused. Most of the reason we don't live at home is that I was forced to GTFO right away. (That's ATL slang for "get the fuck out," y'all.:-P) And yeah, we've got each other, but WTF do we do when one of us wants somebody else in addition? (Is that TMI? Oh well.) Our relationship is constantly fluctuating between more platonic and more romantic, which I think is healthy, honestly, but complicated. Finding the "right" partner is just the tip of the iceberg compared to committing and actually following through on making the shit work. And if you're not ready for that kind of stuff, so what. What good is it if it doesn't feel good? Far better to be honest up front rather than being stuck and unhappy in an unbeneficial relationship. And if you need to get your jollies in the meantime, be an ethical slut.
But yeah, we've all got each other to lean on, which we shouldn't discount. I think we'll all pull through if we stick together.
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Thoughts from somebody who didn't go to grad school and had to deal with a lot of this 2 years ago2
Date: 2006-11-14 02:30 am (UTC)5. As for feeling rushed, I think everybody feels rushed at every stage. If people aren't bugging you to find a partner, they're bugging you to marry him/her. If it's not marriage, it's children. If it's not kids, it's job, house, education, or whatever. Grownups will always find reasons to give us shit. Peers too, for that matter. Everybody's on my and Sharon's case to get married. (Grownups and peers alike.) We're in no hurry. People don't get that. We're apparently freakish because we've been engaged for five years. It's really annoying. With our lifestyle, we're still not sure how being married's going to play into things. We know we're going to be life partners but that just doesn't seem good enough for most people. RARR!! We don't want to have kids any time soon and since I've started teaching, I'm no longer sure if I want them at all. Stuff changes. Constantly. You need to be willing to blow everyone else off and pursue the path of most happiness for you. Nobody else lives your life. Live it so YOU benefit the most. Don't give in to peer pressure. Follow your heart. But don't expect it to get easier. It just gets different. Usually weirder and more complex. But that's no reason to give up. It seems that, even though it doesn't get any easier, all this crap becomes more rewarding.
6. When you start to get down on yourself, don't hesitate to contact me, or any of the old crew to commisserate or to butter you up with compliments. We care about you, we believe in you, and I bet more than a few of us (still) think you're teh uber hotness. We all need our egos stoked sometimes.
7. Sharon and I may not be single or living at home, but that doesn't make us any less confused. Most of the reason we don't live at home is that I was forced to GTFO right away. (That's ATL slang for "get the fuck out," y'all.:-P) And yeah, we've got each other, but WTF do we do when one of us wants somebody else in addition? (Is that TMI? Oh well.) Our relationship is constantly fluctuating between more platonic and more romantic, which I think is healthy, honestly, but complicated. Finding the "right" partner is just the tip of the iceberg compared to committing and actually following through on making the shit work. And if you're not ready for that kind of stuff, so what. What good is it if it doesn't feel good? Far better to be honest up front rather than being stuck and unhappy in an unbeneficial relationship. And if you need to get your jollies in the meantime, be an ethical slut.
But yeah, we've all got each other to lean on, which we shouldn't discount. I think we'll all pull through if we stick together.