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Quarter Life Crises
Nov. 13th, 2006 10:40 amLast night I had a really great dinner with my buddy Josh, in which we ended up talking about our current life situation. He also mentioned that my LJ has been totally uninteresting to him because of all my wrestling markout moments, so I figured it would be a good time to oblige him. ;^) I hadn't vented about RL stuff on here in a while anyway.
In all seriousness, it made me think of something that a friend of mine posted on his MySpace bulletin about a quarter life crises. I may reproduce it here if I get a chance, but it basically talked about the horrible, liminal phase that many of us are going through right now. Truly, it seems like one of the worst transition phases that we can go through because the rest of our lives are looming ahead of us right at this very minute. Not high school, not college. Life. And its fucking scary.
I remember feeling something similar to this when I graduated from undergrad. I got out, had a decent job in the government business and was earning a fairly decent amount of cash when I started feeling my soul slipping away. So, I did the natural thing; I went back to grad school to find it again among the hallowed halls of my beloved alma mater, UVA also known as the best fucking university in the world. (/pride moment). I started to find it again; part of it was having my own apartment at a ridiculously reasonable rate, having it furnished like I could live there forever, earning my Masters Degree and feeling like I had some direction for once. The more education classes I took, the more I felt like I could do something with this degree and make a difference in my life and in others'. Then, before I knew it, two years was up and I'm left with a stellar piece of paper in my hands, a great thesis (if I do say so myself) and so much debt that I could cry. So...now what? After busting my ass to find a teaching job (competing with other UVA grads who were certified) to no avail, I boomerang home where I get to see my wonderful family more often, but find myself a wreck again. Where am I going? What the fridge am I going to do with myself? I feel like I still need to figure myself out...that I've gone head over heels in a sensory deprivation chamber and I'm fighting to find the light again, find my balance.
There are moments when I feel absolutely confident and secure; those are counterbalanced by the moments when I hit absolute rock bottom, hating myself, my place in life, my looks, my faults, my debts, my restrictions, and every other superficial thing there is to be upset/irritated/angry about. I hear about every other person from my high school class either getting engaged, getting married, or having kids and it freaks the shit out of me. I've had my chances, to be sure...and I wasn't ready, but I can't help feeling the pressure, knowing that I'm here at 25 and people I know are living the dream with the love of their life (possibly), secure jobs, double incomes, and 2.5 kids. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get my shit together, because it sure don't feel like that right now.
I think Josh summed it up perfectly last night; "[we're] fucking smart, single, confused, and living at home".
Hey, at least we've got each other...because I don't know about you all, but nearly everyone I've talked to feels something similar. I suppose we can be grateful for the small favors...
In all seriousness, it made me think of something that a friend of mine posted on his MySpace bulletin about a quarter life crises. I may reproduce it here if I get a chance, but it basically talked about the horrible, liminal phase that many of us are going through right now. Truly, it seems like one of the worst transition phases that we can go through because the rest of our lives are looming ahead of us right at this very minute. Not high school, not college. Life. And its fucking scary.
I remember feeling something similar to this when I graduated from undergrad. I got out, had a decent job in the government business and was earning a fairly decent amount of cash when I started feeling my soul slipping away. So, I did the natural thing; I went back to grad school to find it again among the hallowed halls of my beloved alma mater, UVA also known as the best fucking university in the world. (/pride moment). I started to find it again; part of it was having my own apartment at a ridiculously reasonable rate, having it furnished like I could live there forever, earning my Masters Degree and feeling like I had some direction for once. The more education classes I took, the more I felt like I could do something with this degree and make a difference in my life and in others'. Then, before I knew it, two years was up and I'm left with a stellar piece of paper in my hands, a great thesis (if I do say so myself) and so much debt that I could cry. So...now what? After busting my ass to find a teaching job (competing with other UVA grads who were certified) to no avail, I boomerang home where I get to see my wonderful family more often, but find myself a wreck again. Where am I going? What the fridge am I going to do with myself? I feel like I still need to figure myself out...that I've gone head over heels in a sensory deprivation chamber and I'm fighting to find the light again, find my balance.
There are moments when I feel absolutely confident and secure; those are counterbalanced by the moments when I hit absolute rock bottom, hating myself, my place in life, my looks, my faults, my debts, my restrictions, and every other superficial thing there is to be upset/irritated/angry about. I hear about every other person from my high school class either getting engaged, getting married, or having kids and it freaks the shit out of me. I've had my chances, to be sure...and I wasn't ready, but I can't help feeling the pressure, knowing that I'm here at 25 and people I know are living the dream with the love of their life (possibly), secure jobs, double incomes, and 2.5 kids. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get my shit together, because it sure don't feel like that right now.
I think Josh summed it up perfectly last night; "[we're] fucking smart, single, confused, and living at home".
Hey, at least we've got each other...because I don't know about you all, but nearly everyone I've talked to feels something similar. I suppose we can be grateful for the small favors...
