X-3: My Review.

[phoenixastraea]

Well, I had a blast last night heading out with 12 of my buds to see X3.  I wore my Dark Phoenix shirt to celebrate the occasion.  

Be warned, I will be going in-depth over most of the movie here.  For those of you who are spoiler-wary, go no further...

First off, it’s been a long time since I’ve literally felt myself quiver in anticipation for a movie. Probably not since Batman Begins, but even then I had some feeling of what they might do to one of my favorite characters. I also went in with some skepticism and came out elated. I regret to say that my experience with X3 was quite the reverse. I went in ecstatic…and came out disappointed.  Even so, my disappointment was a product of how deep a fan I am of the X-Men and going into the theatre with absurd expectations.

 

I struggled briefly over whether or not I should go through the movie and reveal the chinks in its narrative armor, but I think I’ll spare you all the lengthiness and go with the pros and cons, as before.

 

Pros:

 

1. Beast. Kelsey Grammer’s portrayal of Beast is dead on; he’s not a caricature of Beast, but he really acts like a dignified scientist/diplomat who just happens to be covered in blue fur. I’m really proud that he lent such dignity to the character. He also gets to kick some serious ass, spout his trademark catchphrase (“Oh, my stars and garters!”) and castrate Magneto of his powers. Awesome. End result: A+++
2. The Fight Sequences. Hells yeah. Ratner got some crucial things correct, from Storm frying Callisto, to Bobby taking on his ice form to kick Pyro’s ass, to Magneto and Pyro working together to launch burning projectiles at the innocent multitude. Wolverine was spot on as usual and his fight scene with Marrow (who is now apparently Omega Red?) thrilled me, especially since they had him parrying with his claws. Suweet. A
3. Wolverine. Rough and ready as always, he’s still the poster child for mutant cool. Jackman looks hot, kicks ass hotter, and loves Jeannie the hottest. When he finally called her “Jeannie”, which is all he calls her in the comics, my heart skipped a beat. The ending was the prime moment for me…when he walked toward her, told her he’d die only for her, and then did what he had to do. When he told her that he loved her…*hand over heart* that’s my Wolvie; they captured his enduring loyalty and love perfectly.  Judging by the way they portrayed his feelings for her, and his overall character development in general, they knew I was coming to see this movie and they had certainly read their source material.  A+
4. Portrayal of Mutant Powers. For the most part, they got this right. Storm kicked way more ass in this one, which should have been the case all along. Even Kitty Pryde, whose powers are primarily defensive in nature, got to share in the spotlight with her more aggressive teammates with some ass-kicking of her own (though, when she pulled Juggernaut through the floor, he shouldn’t have been able to break out, considering his molecules would have phased and then bonded with that of the floor…but anyway).  Juggernaut himself was a fun addition. Angel’s wings looked splendiferous and realistic and Beast’s acrobatics were a sight to see. They also used Jamie Maddrox to the best of his ability. The icing on the cake? Four words: Magneto vs. the Bridge. Hells yeah.  B+

 

That being said…

 

Cons:

1. Waste of Key Mutants. Umm, why on earth would you have Psylocke in the damn movie at all and not use her ninja abilities or her supercool mental sword? Why bother even telling us if she’s in it if you’re not going to capitalize on her very excellent and very useful powers? I also saw in IMDB that Omega Red was supposed to be in it along with Siryn and Jubilee; where the hell were they?  Don’t even get me started on how little purpose Rogue had in the film; apparently, she was only put in it for two minutes to whine and then get herself de-powered. Lame! Colossus was definitely underused (I seriously think Quill had more lines than Piotr did), Angel faded into the background after a few nice flying scenes, and Mystique was divested of her powers before she even had a chance to do anything different. James Marsden shouldn’t have even been credited, he was in the movie so little. Ridiculously poor judgment on the part of the writers. C. Speaking of poor judgment...
2. No Gambit. I don’t even think this needs an explanation. They didn’t even feel we deserved a cameo. Hell, I would have taken a few seconds of seeing a mutant with red eyes and a bow staff in the background of one of the fight scenes. Is that too much to ask? F
3. Excruciatingly Bad Dialogue. Aside from Wolverine, Storm, Magneto, and Xavier, the dialogue sucked. Big one. The one-liners fell flat on their faces, the majority of the conversation about the cure sounded preachy and hollow, and Jean’s lines came out sounding forced and false. Even the bad language they incorporated was off: Wolverine calling Scott a dick in the first movie was genius; Kitty calling Juggernaut a dickhead didn’t fit. I was also disturbed by the fact that the guards comeback to Mystique’s taunting (“Shut up before I mace you, bitch!”) got such raucous laughter. Now, I know we’ve all become desensitized to the word ‘bitch’; heck, I know I use it all the damn time in various grammatical ways. This time, however, reeked of misogyny and the laughter it generated at her expense made my stomach crawl. On the flipside of that, we have Ratner doing fanservice to YouTube’s infamous “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” clip by giving Vinnie Jone’s that same dialogue.   Very funny moment in the film and if you haven’t seen the clip, go search for it on YouTube now.  C-
4. NO BLOODY PHOENIX! It’s hard for me to describe my emotions on this one. They…basically ruined the character of Phoenix. Instead of having Jean’s consciousness merge with that of a great (as in awesome in power and physically enormous) cosmic entity, they practically made her a schizophrenic, a woman with a demonic split personality more reminiscent of Poltergeist than the Phoenix. Every moment where I expected to see the greatness of the Phoenix I was let down.  I remember shivering in anticipation when Scott fired into the water to release her; the water bubbled and boiled, I heard a pop!! I waited for the big pan back to reveal her fiery form emerging – nay exploding!—from the water, waiting to see an immense form behind her….And nothing. The camera panned around to reveal…Jean, standing at the edge of the water. What?! Excuse me?! A ten-year-old with a video camera could have done that shot!! Where is the CGI? Where is the dramatic moment? Where is the awe, the power, the galactic consequence of her form rising again?! Nada. I can’t tell you how low my heart sunk. We didn’t even get to see what she did to Scott, nor do we learn the importance of her needing the near limitless energy of his optic blasts to feed her hunger. It was as if the Phoenix…didn’t exist; what was in its place was a more amplified, unstable Telekinetic, whose big claim to fame is making walls shake and rocks float in the air. Ho hum. F

 

Overall Grade: C+ for being a good ride, but largely disappointing in a number of crucial points. Honestly, I think Kelsey Grammer and Wolverine/Jean is responsible for this not being a D movie. OH, I nearly forgot! The stupidity of the clip that came after the credits ensured that I would NOT want to see X4 even if they made it. Xavier placing his consciousness into another persons body is too farfetched even for the X-Men.

 

Oh, but the Ghost Rider Trailer looks AMAZING!! I definitely know where I’ll be February 16^th.

Comments

[skitsosquirrel.livejournal.com]

ok..where do i start? lol

I have to agree Kelsey Grammer was amazing as Beast. I don't think they could have gotten a better guy to play him. and for some odd reason i thought he looked damn good in that leather...I think that is the 1st and only time i've ever thought Kelsey was attractive lol

Magneto vs. the Bridge...hell yea. I loved all of magento's parts. my favorite though is when he was going to get Mystique and how he barley even moved to get the cars out of his way. haha i loved it. I can't wait to see what they do with his movie.

I didn't notice Jubilee in there at all either...while we were waiting for the scene after the credits we saw her name up there, that was about it. And i'm not too disappointed in Rouge not being in it much. I've always hated her in the movie. She's always been a whinny little "woe is me" bitch. I can't stand it. At least they made it clear that her and Wolverine are just friends...god i can't tell you how much that bugged me in the 1st movie when they even hinted at a relationship between those two. My mom loves the idea though..bah.

I would have loved to see Gambit in there too. Maybe..hopefully in the future they will make a whole movie dedicated to him.

lmfao "I'm the Juggernaut bitch!" was amazing. I never watched the whole thing to that but damn...in the movie it was hilarious and my mom just looked at me like "wtf is your problem?" when i laughed to it.

And yes...The whole Phoenix thing bugged me. It almost seemed like there was no CG in it at all besides the 5 seconds on Angel flying around here and there and everything disintegrating. Even the wire work to me looked bad and low budgeted. But the whole scene when Xavier was disintegrating was sweet.

and from what i hear from my mom about the comics (since i stopped reading them around the 90's period) nothing is very far fetched for X-men...Just about the whole bloody cast has died and come back to life a few times now hasn't it? lol.

[haljordan2814oa.livejournal.com]

Check out this guy's review... you MUST comment... he's a complete idiot...

http://community.livejournal.com/marvel_universe/299856.html?view=2199632#t2199632

[psidx.livejournal.com]

while that looked like Quill, I believe he was credited as "Kid Omega." (although he looked more like Quill than Quentin Quire any day).
And that was Spike, not Marrow, I believe... (Spike was in X-Men Evolution and X-Statix), although Spike is Black. Syrin and Jubilee I think both appear in the classroom scene.

Still, the cameos should have been more true to the characters, otherwise, what the hell is the point? Madrox was fun, but Archlight!???! Fucking ARCHLIGHT?!?!

Could've at least given us Avalanche, a more-recognizable member of the brotherhood.

Maybe this whole movie was an illusion from Mastermind in X2.

[phoenixastraea.livejournal.com]

From what I remember, Quire didn't have spike's protruding from his body...am I wrong on this? I only slightly remember his role in the New X-Men run...

And I think you're right about Spike...I remember going back to IMDB and thinking that he was the mutant I thought was Marrow...I think I would have liked Marrow better; I mean, hell if you're going to bring in the Morlocks, she's crucial.

My thoughts exactly on Arclight. Avalanche would have been much better. Hell, bring in Richtor or even Blob!

[phoenixastraea.livejournal.com]

And one can only hope for a deus ex machina like Mastermind. Maybe they can do that when Singer comes back to direct X4..?