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phoenixastraea) wrote2007-06-27 01:02 pm
Final Thoughts....
...before I let this topic go gently into that good night. I think I'm going to follow in the footsteps of lalaith86 and make one last post about this topic before moving on with my life. Like she said, I just have to. It's affecting my sleep, my mood, my work, and now, more importantly, my interactions with some of my best friends in the business because of differing viewpoints on the wrestler, the man, his actions, and their possible motivations.
People are desperately looking for ways to cope. Short of pretending none of this happened, I support any and all ways for people to deal with this, whether I agree with them or not. Unfortunately, what should be bringing us all together to comfort each other is starting to rip us apart. Forums are crashing and their members are starting flame wars. I've noticed or heard about people making nasty comments on personal journals or in communities, saying that "this post disgusts me" and make other such comments directly attacking the speaker without even comprehending what is being said. This....this sort of garbage HAS to stop. I know a lot of these occurences are isolated but they disgust me nonetheless. For anyone that this has happened to, who has been proverbially kicked when they were down and in pain, you get Double-Stuf hugs from me.
My bottom line: my buddy greyjedisaid on one of my posts that the man died twice: once as a man and another time as a hero. I think nothing sums it up quite so well. We're all in deep mourning. Some of us have moved on to indignant rage and hopefully, on from there, through the grace of Time and other factors, to peace and understanding. Again, we may not even find understanding; if that is the case I hope we still can find a measure of peace; something to numb the nightmarish horror of the past few days. Of monstrous details that refuse to be burned from our minds no matter how much we try to refocus ourselves. I wish I could wake up and forget: I can't. At the risk of starting another potential shit-storm, I'll say that I'm angry at the lives that have been ruined by this. I'm angry at the horrible undermining of trust and memory for those who knew him and loved him; the second-guessing and horrible speculation of what might have been or what should have been or what could have been done to prevent this, if anything. My heart goes out most especially to people like Dean Malenko, Chavo, Edge, Bret Hart, Chris Jericho, and of course, his two surviving kids; I can't imagine what it must be like for them. Then you have the most potent tragedy for us as fans, of not being able to forget when you most want to; when dark thoughts and reminders pop up when you most want to remember and respect him for his talent and the great things he did accomplish. Perhaps time will allow us to have that again; right now, I'm not there. I'm angry. Enraged, really, at the pointless loss of life and about this horrible stain left on 10 years of beautiful memories that I had. That we all had. And other things that I will not go into here.
Like I said before, we're a family; perhaps a dysfunctional one, but a close-knit one nonetheless. I love you all. If you want to talk about it, like Sila suggested in her post, lets do it here. I, for one, will be trying to recompose myself and move on to my other obsessions. Nice to have fixations, eh? (Pen, I'm looking at you! ;^) As it is, I've got a nice TMNT fic in the works (non-slash) that I'm gonna use as distraction.
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That said ... well-spoken, dear. You summed up what I'm feeling down to the marrow. Time is all we have now to heal the wounds. There is no getting over. There's just moving on.
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I'm not sure we agree on this matter, because I'm not sure I've read your opinion, but then that isn't important to me right now. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, I just hope we can all be there for each other. It's heartbreaking to me to see the wrestling world crashing down like this, not only because of attacks from the outside, but because of conflicting opinions on the inside. Like wrestling isn't enough of a 'reject sport' (as I have seen it referred to) as it is. *sighs*
I think the IWC is reeling. If there was anyone adored, loved and respected by the smarks and marks alike, then it was Benoit. *sighs* I can see people, groups, communities, entire sites even, break down because of this.
However, this post was beautifully written, and you're so right. *hugs* I wish things were different, right now so many people do, but I know that together we can make it through. Our group is that strong, though I fear we'll lose a few in the long run. :(
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at any rate, this will blow over. Human nature has a tendency to allow us to gently gloss over memories which honestly is a good thing right now.
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http://www.tampabays10.com/news/local/article.aspx?s=rss&storyid=57831
First it was good to see Luger cleaned up and doing well, but he comments on somethings. He just keeps saying if Benoit had only had someone to talk to. I thought it was refreshing and that I would share that with ya
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Right now, honestly, I just want to be able to think of Benoit someday and think of "Benny"... not start imagining what happened last weekend. Not start thinking of pain. Not have tears come to my eyes. Not have my BennyMuse start screaming and tearing himself apart.
I want to be able to write him again. I want to be able to deal and accept and move on, or something, and I don't want it to be years from now.
I want Benny back, dammit. I don't want to lose two musi, along with someone I respected and loved.